[Game thread] Skull Ruins Pokerole

[Lord Windos]

Spoiler

A few minutes of silence followed then where nothing was heard except the normal things within Atheneum, but these felt distant now. It was almost tangible how much Shiva considered carefully what to say or do, but eventually she did nothing more than very softly stroke over the shoulder of this heap of misery aka Ventus Z., her touch almost angelic. By doing so, she must've been trying to show that she's...she actually didn't know.

"....First of all, you should be proud. You've spoken yourself out. Solely by doing so you're showing that you still care for me, lots. Thank you...."

"Second, I....I am actually sorry myself as I didn't definitely noticed that you've been shunning me or the others. I've been so busy with exploring and making good use of our success in finding this place that I must have put other things aside... You, for example. All I noticed was that you seemingly accepted only Valder's company and wanted to be left alone apart from that, and it's making so much sense now.... But I've been granting you alone time, as much as needed. My, if you wouldn't have asked me, I'd likely still browse the library for random things simply to be busy until we'd all leave. There wouldn't be much time for us to speak like we're doing now. Now though, I'm very glad that you've asked to spend time together, as I now know why you've did that almost out of the blue, especially after.... you know."

She briefly pauses here, takes a deep breath that she releases as an impercible sigh. "'More than human'. Being turned into that by the Gauntlet - so that's the reason? No, don't be incredibly sorry for it triggering your fears. If I'd be in your shoes, would have experienced what you've did when you were...so young, then I'd surely react the same way. The important thing is how you're handling it: Withdrawal feels like a natural reaction. Yet you've made this leap of faith and came to me - ME, who is practically magical even without the Gauntlet. You could have ignored it, shunned me further and even leave on the quiet, refusing to deal with me. Would that be constructive, Ven?"


*short break for him to mull over things* "..... No, it would not. By doing so things will barely even get better, they'd only get worse."

With a bit of sadness in her eyes, she continues. "Ven, dear, listen. I can definitely assure you that the Gauntlet has nothing done that I'm considering negative or a direct 'change of my personality'. I wouldn't even directly call it 'magical', now that I've had a day after touching it. 'Twisted by that power'... If me that has never lied to you assure you that this won't happen at least to me (not sure about the others, she can only speak for herself here), that I'll do everything to NOT let something happen and will take direct measures shall I realize even a small hint of things entering dark territory, can you at least TRY to give it a chance? I'm not saying that you should not make a connection to what happened to your...dear mother, but I'm instead asking you to give it a CHANCE. If you want, keep me under observation. If you want, become an overly careful and protective boyfriend. If you want, I can report it to you in an instant shall I feel something weird or something I'd connect to me touching the Gauntlet, so that we can deal with it in an appropriate way. Ven - this time, you can do more than sit and watch things happening. You can have an amount of control on things. You just have to....allow it and accept what I've done. You can try to make a difference and PREVENT that something like...Delilah repeats, if that is your worry."



"I can also....tell you that I've touched that Gauntlet on my own will. Nothing forced me to do, even if it may has looked to you like it has. Let your empathy confirm to you that I'm not lying to you when I'm saying this: I touched the Gauntlet because I wanted to. I could withdraw my hand and pivot at any point, choosing not to place my hand onto it. It may have...'called' if you want, but not in a way that it can't be resisted. It's just that I....seem to be susceptible to 'calls' and I can guess why by now, do you remember when our Pokemon disappeared one morning and we opened our mind to pick up any hints? It seems like it'd do me well to learn how to close my mind and prevent negative feelings from outside penetrating my developing own empathy, something that I'm feeling is possible and you said you'd aid me in."


She ends her speech with touching his shoulder once more, a sad but also soft and dear smile on her face. "Ven... Ventus... The magic and the arcane may be your nightmare-fuel. But still you've let me into your life, and I guess I've never told you before how thankful I am for that choice of yours. You're on a good way - Try giving things a tiny chance first before you damn them." To emphasize, she sprinkles a tad bit of the White Apricorn Dust over Ventus' scared-beneath-the-sweater chest. "If you damn them the moment they're feeling even a tad bit malicious or make you feel uneasy, none will blame you for it. If something I'd do or plan to do worries you - be not shy to tell me."

He twitched/flitch when Shiva laid a hand on him, and if it wasn't for feeling the compassion in that gesture and him carefully maintainly his balance he would have pitch forward and off the hammock at the surprise. The empath didn't rebuke her for it, or try to escape her touch, though, as earnest the desire for him to do that was. If....he was to continue to be in the loving, caring with Shiva, something he cherished almost above all else, he couldn't just run away an cower in fear and distrust of her. He had to....he had to let her in, to show he still wanted to BE with her and share in the joyous feelings of their romantic bond, but that he was....was so afraid and wary of EVERYTHING that...that happened to her. But that....that despite those deep, deeply ingrained, soul aching reservations and phobia concerning the arcane and supernatural, and of the changes so WILLING embraced by her and EVERYONE else he abhored, he was struggleing to cope with that to ACCEPT and LOVE them regardless.

It was hard for him to confess to his girlfriend like this.

To open up to her, and show how rawly he felt.

But he did so anyway. He had to be transparent and honest with the love of his life, if their was any hope of salvaging their relationship together past.....past THAT.

".....He he he......how can I be proud? For openly being a coward, rejecting and shunning everyone like they are.....they are leappers for their contact and......transformation by The Gauntlet. I....know you and everyone are still....still you at your core, but....but I can't simply accept it wholeheartedly. Its pitful, but I can't change the way I feel about all of....all of THIS...…"

"......You all....you all broke my trust in you by so readily EMBRACING that POWER, letting it CORRUPT your purity as a human into SOMETHING ELSE, something......UNSEEMLY. Especially you, after....after the promise we made.....we made NOT to so recklessly ACTED.....after acting so...….bizaare and unlike your sweet, sweet self..... "

"....."
"....."
"...…."

"...…..I'm not sure whether to be grateful or not you've been.....oblvious to how much of a recluse I've been, but......suppose things turned out for the best. Valder…..I simply wanted to be with someone, anyone not affected the CHANGE, so I've been....helping him out more lately. Just recently, I....helped convince him not to tap into the power of a grimoire, though I didn't forbid for using it......now I'm afraid he's going to want to utilize the...The Gauntlet to make himserlf more.....POWERFULL someday. He....always wants to improve himself....a noble drive that can be turned to oh so many problems...…."

".....Truthfully, if I didn't force myself to ask you for some personal time.....keep myself here with you......I would still be avoiding be so much......personal contact. Still......letting my fear consume me, lead me away from you. After....seeing all those....those Scimitars, though.....it made me realize how precious our time together was....is, and that I was letting myself squander it away..... …..I...I don't want to let go of that, of our....of our fledgingly love. Not....not because I can't...…can't hardly handle what's happened to you. So I have to....to try. No matter how afraid, how distrustful or paranoid I am. Because if I don't...…it will all be over. I don't want that. WE don't want that......we don't DESERVE that...… Not....if I can prevent it...."

(…)

"......Were you in my place, I imagine you wouldn't have made the same mistakes as I have. You are too good of heart to ever reject someone, without that someone first rejecting you. So please.....don't sell yourself short to consul me, dear...… I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it at all. "

(…)

"...………"
"...………"
"...….I know. Deep down, I know.....but I can't help but still be scared, Shiva. The....change my mother went through was gradual...subtle....up until it wasn't anymore. By the time I recognized something was wrong, it was......it was too late. At least.....I think it was. I'll never know.....I never had the chance to prevent it...….or help with much of anything. Useless.... I was......
".....I'm still trying to accept.....THAT, even...if a large part of me is fighting against that idea. It will take......a long time before I can be comfortable....feel safe around you....everyone again. Time alone, time spent warily watching you from affair, judging you, time stressing out over everything. I love you dear....but I fear you just as greatly, so please.....please have patience with me. I'm....I'm trying.....its all just so hard."

He doesn't know how to really react to the suggestions of becoming a watchdog for his girlfriend's behavior, so he simply doesn't comment on it.

(…)

On the her more....detailed discussion of her own interaction with The Gauntlet, Ven fought the HARD urge to start swearing , nervously figiting, or outright fleeing, as he didn't want to relieve ANY part of THAT event, but increadibly he manage to completely hide his negative reaction. All he had to say was: ".....I can help, like I said. Not now....but in the future...…."

(…)


At her concluding statement, his grimace became even deeper and more filled with self loathing , as the vast majority of his beliefs and being is against the very thing she's praising him for, and he loathes both that feeling and himself for trying to accept instead of reject wholeheartedly. To say that the sociologist was torn up over this whole debacle would be entirely too accurate was an understatement, and the less attention directed at that ugly struggle of his, the BETTER.

However, when she began sprinkling Apricorn dust over him , Ven's eyes widened in astonishment, and her words after that had him staring at his fae fancy boggled eyes.....until he closed his eyes and started laughing . Hoarse, raspy, and mirthless laughing . It last for several minutes, and by the end of it he was wiping tears away as he slowly turned to face Shiva for the first time since this....heart to heart started, a self depreciating smile plastered on his face as he answered her in a light, delicate tone.

"It will take more than The Bonding Ritual to fix what lay damaged between us, dear, if it would even work between two humans in the first place. No matter how much I wish it were so simple and easy."

Silence, thick as fog, descended between the erratic researcher and the magical breeder, as he turned away one more to stare straight ahead, that same smile still gracing his face.

"...….I wanted to tell you how I feel about all that has happened, and that I'm trying my best to cope and accept. To give us both hope, knowledge, and advice so that, one, bright, hopeful day, we both can be happy together like we were. …...I'm unsure whether or not that was the right thing to do now, but I don't regret trying. At least, for now...."

"...………...Now that I've accomplished that......I need to be alone again. Away from you. I can't....focus on dealing with my....issues when I'm around you....at least, not for long enough for anything productive to come from it, so.....I will resume avoiding you, and keeping contact with the rest of...the group.....minimal. I will be polite when.....I do interact with you and the others....but I can't promise I will be friendly or sociable most of the time. ….It'll be awhile before I can safely say that I'm...…..ready to fully embrace you, but know that I will be constantly trying, struggling to fully accept you, and on that day that I do.....I will let you know."

"Until then....I need to be alone. I'm sorry, my dearest. …..I'm.....sorry....."