Thread Rating:
  • 2 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Returning to Tandor!
#1
Hey, all.  I'm not actually new here--I was Psykan before, but a lot of personal events and ups and downs in general transpired, leading me to abandon the forum for a while.  I'm still working through some things, but I'm definitely in a better place now--I left Canada and returned to the US; right now I'm at my parents' place in a tiny town, isloated from civilization (which I've needed, honestly).  I'll be moving into my own apartment August 5.

Some people might remember my long-winded and rather philosophical posts; that hasn't changed, but I'd like to leverage my writing skill for a more productive purpose...like a fangame.  Once I'm settled and have a good foundation in the city I'll be moving to, I'll really dive into the creative stuff (writing, music, art).  I'm also considering hopping aboard the Pokemon Azurite dev team; I'm sure all my self-taught skills will come in handy somehow!

Right now I'm just waiting...as much as I hate that, hah.  I think most of my activity here will be in the creativity board, needless to say.  I'll wait to join the Discord though (and frankly, I'm probably better off joining the Azurite server instead...but we'll see).
The most responsible use of power, however great, is to share it with others.  Lend your strength to those around you, that they might eventually realize their own.
Reply
#2
WHAT.... Psykan, is that really you?! Heavens, of course I remember you, I enjoyed reading your philosphical posts and lending you an ear to talk yourself out, I've been somewhat worried what has happened as you practically left without leaving a trace behind! o(TヘTo) Right now, I'm just delighted that you seem to be okay and well, really. I look forward to you sharing one two of your drawings in the creativity section!~

Project Azurite is a FanGame in making with lots of potential, I once applied as a concept artist as well (with no success appearantly as they never replied, *embarrassed laughter*), but their Discord Server is always so busy for my taste; not as busy like Phoenix Rising though. Besides, they are almost desperately looking for new members as many of the old ones left, so maybe, if you're interested:
   
"Anything can be art. Anything can be self-expression. Now take your weapon and run with it."
- Gerard Way

[Image: tumblr_ojj74xpbFJ1vh0d58o1_540.png] <3
Reply
#3
Huh, I didn't expect anyone to actually value my presence here, but I guess that's just because I'm so used to people not really caring?  Personal, traumatic stuff...and best not talked about here, lol.

Phantom Wrote:Project Azurite is a FanGame in making with lots of potential, I once applied as a concept artist as well (with no success appearantly as they never replied, *embarrassed laughter*)

I actually was contacted by one of the Azurite staff; apparently they were interested in seeing what I had to offer.  Unfortunately, due to all the personal issues I've been dealing with (and my *extreme* discomfort with big group chats/servers/etc), that's as far as I got--to be fair, I was only contacting them to get some information and to see if my skills might be of use (it sounded like they would be), not to actually apply for a position on the team.  I ended up responding and telling the staff member I'd contact them again once my situation was more favorable.

I figure that since I'm a writer, artist, and musician-to-be, I can probably fill in one or perhaps a couple positions on the team.  I've got no obligations like work or school (I plan to be a self-employed creative, and a project like Azurite would be a bit of great experience and skill-building opportunity), so I have the luxury of time to invest in the project.

I'm just, uh...not quite ready to be on servers just yet.

I don't know anything about Phoenix Rising, but if I'm to take a lead role in that project, I'd need someone from the team to give me a pretty good run-down of things up to this point.  Azurite doesn't seem to have the "personnel anemia" issue is badly as PR does (some people have left the Azurite team, of course, so I figured it'd be a better place for a total noob to jump in and get some experience.

I did post a bunch of artwork in a new thread--did you see it?
The most responsible use of power, however great, is to share it with others.  Lend your strength to those around you, that they might eventually realize their own.
Reply
#4
Sounds like you would do well in a team that just uses a smaller Slack to plan their games. Uranium's original team was that way.
Current project:
http://fringehikers.com/
Tabletop RPG PokeRole: http://pokemonuranium.co/forum/showthread.php?tid=789
"I'd rather not put my dad in a PokeBall."
Reply
#5
As it happens, I'm familiar with Slack and honestly enjoy using the client. I do have ideas for my own original game project (not Pokemon), like a rough story outline, progression points, characters, and so on. It'll be a while before those ideas can come to fruition though.

The only thing I won't be doing is programming; I did start self-teaching C++ last year, but given that I'm self-teaching so many different creative aspects, I think it's all right to leave programming and the technical side of things to others on a team.
The most responsible use of power, however great, is to share it with others.  Lend your strength to those around you, that they might eventually realize their own.
Reply
#6
Huuuh, if you got contacted by someone of the Azurite Devs or at best Sleepy themselves and are interested in joining the team yourself, nothing speaks about doing so once you're feeling better and ready to do so, or does it? There's certainly a way to help progressing the Project with your chosen skill without joining a server right away.
"Anything can be art. Anything can be self-expression. Now take your weapon and run with it."
- Gerard Way

[Image: tumblr_ojj74xpbFJ1vh0d58o1_540.png] <3
Reply
#7
I suppose we'll see about that.

In any case, my issue is more of a case of anthropophobia--anxiety around people is part of it, but I actually experience a number of adverse physical symptoms when I'm around people, not just anxiety or psychological troubles, and obviously the more people I'm around, the more serious it is.  It's impossible for me to be comfortable around people, either online or in person; every encounter is very awkward at the least and debilitating at the worst.

...Unfortunately, this also includes the Uranium forum.

I've actually tried finding ways to work past this, and frankly, if it were just a matter of social anxiety, I'm pretty sure I'd have managed that by now.  However, this is something that's been deeply ingrained in every fiber of my being, and from a very early point in my life and development due to extreme trauma.  It's literally part of who I am now, and cannot be changed or fixed (which means there's no therapy that will help).  At this point I've been able to accept that, and I guess that makes it easier to explain to others as well.  As much as I'd like to hop on board a game dev project, I don't think I can really be comfortable working with people...at least if I'm trying to do things the "standard" way.  I most certainly am not comfortable working under anyone, so traditional employment is out of the question.

However, through all of my life experience, I did realize that no matter what anyone says or what "rules" people and their societies live by, creating one's own path--one's own system, laws, and self-imposed standards--is completely valid.  This said, I'll admit right now that I'm not interested in conforming to anyone else's rules or standards, including sites like this one, and I've already learned the hard way that it's not possible for me to feel any sense of belonging in any group, community, or social circle.

This doesn't just apply to social sites and forums, either--it also applies to entire nations and cultures.

It's true that I'm about as "deviant" as it gets and a total maverick, but I think it's more of a compatibility issue with regards to humanity in its current state and how this manifests in every aspect of civilization.  People are growing more isolated, detaching themselves from one another, and are terribly disconnected from nature and the world outside the glass dome they call "civilization."  When they look for solutions, their perspectives are limited to their own laws and customs; it's like they have no idea anything exists outside of that boundary, and are genuinely unable to acknowledge that anything can exist in that vast, unknown space.  It doesn't make any sense to me because I came from that "unknown" place--what people like to call "the jungle."  The laws of humans don't work for me at all...but nobody ever talks about how to create one's own precedent.  In fact, this kind of thinking is actively discouraged, and anyone thinking so far outside the lines is punished.  

I did say that I'm seriously considering hopping aboard a game dev project, but at the same time, that would mean adhering to rules and standards that work against me and my needs and prevent me from putting my best foot forward.  The truth about my creative skills and being self-taught in all of them is that it's simply an extension of my own life experience--how humanity left me with no option but to literally re-create myself as an individual.  It's really only natural that someone who had to navigate the world alone and develop themselves would end up being self-taught in practically every skill or discipline.

On the other hand, it means that such an individual would find it nearly impossible to live a "normal" human lifestyle.

So, now that I think about it...I made this thread to say "I'm back," but it's probably better for me to say "farewell, Tandor," at least for now.  I appreciate everyone's efforts to make this community a welcoming place, but I can't be here.  This isn't where I belong, just as no other community has a place for me; nobody here is at foult for that--it's just how things have played out in my life.  It's better for me to create my own place and live as an island of bridges, so to speak--walking a different path from humanity as a whole, yet alongside everyone all the same, just as nature taught me.  Essentially, I seek collaboration instead of assimilation, and coexistence instead of conformity, and taking this position would making working with dev teams on creative projects a lot more meaningful, too; even more than just my skills, I could bring something entirely new and (likely) unprecedented to the table as well.  This feels more natural and "right" to me than taking the standard approach and applying to be part of a team.

Having said all this, I'm going to hold off on helping out with game dev projects and focus on creating my own place in the world, independent of human conventions.  If it says anything about the scope of my intent, I plan to write to the UN Secretary-General about how to go about this, because it'll likely mean giving up my citizenship in favor of creating something entirely new--something closer to nature, the spirit of law, and the planet, as opposed to "civilization."

It doesn't matter how good of an artist, writer, musician, photographer, or creative I end up being--no conventional art form will ever be my specialty.  The creation of oneself as an individual, one's own path, future, and destiny, yet without forsaking everyone or everything else, is the most powerful and profound kind of creativity humans are capable of.  That is my specialty, and I want to make use of that for humanity's sake--to show people a different path, and what lies outside the bounds of "civilization."  I hope I can help my fellow humans take the difficult path to a brighter future, where they can coexist harmoniously with one another and with nature.

So, I'm going to leave this community now.  Perhaps I'll meet at least a few of you again somehow, someday, but if not, that's all right, too.

Thanks for letting me be a part of Tandor.
The most responsible use of power, however great, is to share it with others.  Lend your strength to those around you, that they might eventually realize their own.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)