I had some time to think and calm down...And I want to say a few things. I think I should put the cards above the table.
@
Iron. @
Dragonstrike.
My previous behavior past night over Deoxys Prime ending was inexcusable. I felt angry and disappointed for lot of reasons. And I think I should say already, instead of just...keep to myself and damage the fun of everyone.
One of the main reasons was...the feeling that the ending was some kind of punishment. That Dragonstrike had played the campaign without entering in conflict and been resolute in most decisions. That I had less important because of my previous mistakes in the campaign, and this was my punishment to be a side character in his story.
I also felt...angry and disappointed with you Iron, because I feel like this whole battle was to only glorified your preference for Dragonstrike character, since he was the only one to manage to deal damage against Deoxys. And we only serve as side characters. I think all the players should be treated as equals both in reward moments as long in the punish moments. I felt like that in this whole battle. I know this is not the truth, but unfortunately that the impression you leave yesterday to me.
I was...so much angry and disappointed that I think...you would give the sword to Nathan at the very beginning. That even winning the XP bide, he would be somehow be choose to be the main character...Or get the sword anyway.
I also feel like...Someone putting salt in the wound about the whole Sword Crisis. I couldn't shake that in my mind: "It could be me or Windos there. If I had saved enough XP, I could have get the Sword, and share the glory of the battle of Deoxys with everyone...But instead I was use as a side character into some bad shonen anime. I made no difference, and was only serve to cement Nathan glorious weather."
I had this feeling of being exclude and left out, and to feel get my hyped get betrayed. I had imagined we all fighting together as equals against Deoxys. Something that according to the previous posts, the Deoxys coming was being planned for more or less 3 years...And in the end, I felt all the hype betrayed, because I feel most of us barely make importance. And the times of Role-playing and building Heart backstory, was all for nothing. That I only serve as a staircase to Nathan reach the heaven of honors. And I see reasons for think that:
Nathan Ralts had a vision of Deoxys coming. Nathan being the person to have the connection with Mesprit. Being the first one to get a Delta Pokemon. And...be the person to wield the sword and deliver the final blow against Deoxys.
All these emotions boiled inside of me. I get angry a bit to Dragonstrike...but I get more annoyed, furious and angry at you Iron. That you as the GM, had to treat everyone equally: Me, Windos, Mika, Phantom and Dragon. I onkn your reasons....But past night I thought more with the emotion instead of reason.
And for last...That everyone get amazing items from this whole Skull Ruins scenario. Mika, Phantom and Nathan get artefacts. Windos get a Genesect. While I get the Frozen Roar, I feel that compare to everyone gifts, my character get the most less important item, instead of a artefact or a Legendary Pokemon, and that spoiled most of my spirit of fun (no pun intended). And this ending had kinda damage my enthusiasm of making good roleplRole-p posts like I do. Feeling pointless in do it.
To the point of almost quit the campaign...Yeah I had though that for a moment. That's why I asked about taking a break from all this to cool down, and decide my course of action....
For all these reasons and others, I want to apologise to you two, Dragonstrike and Iron. I act irrationally to just let those emotions get out of control and explode the way I did past night. As much I hadn't like the ending of the building of Deoxys final battle, and Dragonstrike get most of the honors, this didn't justify the way I act yesterday, with angry and annoyance towards you Iron and you Dragonstrike. I should have just accepted the fact you are the GM Iron, and your decisions is final. The decision of favor more a character is a final decision of you.
I also want to apologise to you Dragonstrike. I act harsh with you, and for I get resented towards you, who doesn't have any fault on this. I let the past bad blood between us get the best on me, and even without me wanting, I get mad and angry at you too.
I recognize the mistakes I did...and I sorry to all players and GM for the way I behave...
Because of that, and others reasons, I will abstain from the decision of holding the Hauberk. I would lie if I say I don't desire Cosh Artefact...but I think myself don't deserve vote or hold the item after the whole Sword Crisis and the explosion yesterday.
I also want to have a break after everything, to put in order my mind and emotions, to not get in the way of everyone fun. My vote about the Hauberk thing is void, for the reasons I already stated.
Is for wanting the Hauberk that I think I should not carry...I okay with Windos holding the Hauberk, for he be the one to defend Cosh, and give the guy a second chance. Along with the fact he help stop conflicts in the past, so he deserves that honor more than me...And I not using reverse physicology like some people might think, but I been frankly and honest with every word I saying right now...
*SIGH* I gonna take a break for real this time...Gonna go to my college and then finally watch the Joker movie with some friends of mine. To put my mind, spirit and heart to rest.
Again...sorry about...everything.